Monthly Archives: October 2008

Andrew Bogut has a new challenger for most overpaid Andrew B

The LA Times says that Andrew Bynum and the Lakers have reached an agreement on a 4-year $58 million extension.  The first three years are guaranteed, with the fourth year a team option worth about $16 million.  This works itself out to an average of about $14.5 million a year.

Huh.  Look, I know he’s young and still getting better and is just bursting with upside, but so far he hasn’t really shown anything beyond flashes.  His career averages are like 7 and 6.  He hasn’t had the easiest time staying healthy.  I guess when you’re the Lakers and you’re already capped out beyond belief and are trying to win now, it doesn’t hurt to just say fuck it and throw this money at him, but this could wind up backfiring on them big time.


So what did we learn (October 29)?

  • The OJ Mayo All Star/ROY/Future GOAT train might have left the station a little early. Despite getting starter minites, Ovinton turned in 10 points on 5-20 shooting (including 0-7 from 3 point range,) 2 assists and 5 boards in a loss to Houston.  He played some nice D, but he has some serious gunner tendencies.
  • That the Knicks and Heat have buried the legacy of Riles, at least when they play each other.  New York pulled away 120-115 thanks to huge games from Jamal Crawford (who’s going to OD on playing D’antoni ball.  Seriously, he’s going to collapse in a heap of sheer joy by February.) and Z-Bo.  Dwyane Wade, Shawn Marion and Udonis Haslem combining for 63 points and 28 boards wasn’t enough for Ashwin Madia’s debut as head coach.
  • That the OKC Thunder are BAD.  Kevin Durant has an off night by getting in early foul trouble and they fall apart in their home debut against Milwaukee.  Charlie Vilanueva looked like an All Star (granted, the creepiest All Star since they let Brad Lohaus in the game) against this putrid D, and Mike Redd and Richard Jefferson decided to casually throw in 20 as well.
  • That YOUR Minnesota Timberwolves might be gradually getting the hang of it.  Last year the Wolves ranked 29th in free throw attempts.  Last night against Sacramento, they got to the line 22 times.  I don’t think they got to the free throw line 22 times in a single week last season, let alone in one game.  Step 2 is of course, making your free throws, and they only shot 50% against the Kings.  But walk, crawl, then run © The Honorable Clay Davis.
  • That Joe Johnson is still one to fear.  Always.
  • That mayeb Duncan and Parker won’t be able to carry the Spurs by themselves without Ginobli.  Despite 64 points from the two Foreign Elitists, it wasn’t enough to beat Phoenix.
  • That we’ve still got eight more months of this shit to go.  Praise Santa!

Even I feel sorry for Greg Oden at this point

I mean at least I managed to score a point before my career became an injury-riddled punchline.  Poor fella.


Cleveland @ Boston.  Portland @ Lakers.  MILWAUKEE @ CHICAGO!!!1!

The NBA season is finally here.  Let us rejoice.

OT! I’ll put you to the test. OT! New Pepsi cans and bottles

What are these? Why do they exist here, in the year of our lord two thousand and eight?  Well, next year, it appears that Pepsi will roll these out full time.  As someone who has always favored Pepsi, even if I don’t buy much soda anymore, I am disappointed.

It’s . . . blinking?  And why can’t I read what that can of Sierra Mist says?  And why is there a tree on it?

What is Mtn Dew?  Is it anything like MOUNTAIN Dew?  And what would Ray charles think of this shitty new Diet Pepsi logo?  This is an L of the highest order, Pepsi peeps.

Month of a Half Dozen Previews presents the SouthwestDivision

With the start of the preseason, it’s almost time for real basketball to be played.  To assist you through this dark and confusing time, we’ve decided to preview the NBA division by division.  We continue with the athe final frontier, the Southwest.

San Antonio Spurs

Last year: 56-26, lost to Lakers in conference finals
Who’s in: Roger Mason, George Hill
Who’s out: Brent Barry, Robert Horry
If they were a show on TGIF they would be Family Matters
Why to watch: It’s an odd numbered year, which means the Spurs are guaranteed to win a championship, so you’re pretty much forced to watch them. Expect yet another year of boringly efficient Poppovich ball (with 45% more beard.) Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and the crew will be back, with Manu Ginobli missing the start of the season due to an injury suffered in Beijing. Everyone’s a year older, but that won’t matter, as the Spurs simply know how to win better than anyone, because they’re clutch and built for championships and have the experience needed to catch bin Laden because they were in a POW camp and who even cares at this point? They’ll probably win it all and we’ll all suffer for it.
Rating (out of a possible 10 “DNP-OLD AGE!” marks) 7

New Orleans Hornets

Last year: 56-26, lost to San Antonio in second round
Who’s in: James Posey
Who’s out: Jannero Pargo
If they were a show on TGIF they would be Boy Meets World
Why to watch: Chris Paul makes anything worth watching. We’re looking at the possible best little man of all time getting better before our eyes. Potentially better than Zeke, Cousy, Tiny, Pearl and Stockton. Add to that a middle manager’s Dwight Howard in Tyson Chandler, two do-it-all forwards in David West and James Posey and you have a legit squad. It’s almost too good of a combination of talent, coaching, excitement and likeability. This team will probably fail.
Rating (out of a possible 10 feet up in your bottom) 8

Houston Rockets

Last year: 55-27, lost to Utah in first round
Who’s in: Ron Artest, Brent Barry, Joey Dorsey
Who’s out: Bobby Jackson, Steve Novak
If they were a show on TGIF they would be Perfect Strangers
Why to watch: To see if Tracy McGrady will just break down and weep out of that lazy eye before riding his escapegoat out of the first round. With him, Yao Ming and Ron Artest, they have a big three of their own that can rival any team in the league, including Boston. This gets said every year, but if the ROC doesn’t make it to the second round this season . . . fuck it, we won’t even make a joke. Of course, if that happens, it might be on the supporting players like Aaron Brooks, Rafer Alston, Carl Landry, Shane Battier and the ageless Dikembe Mutombo. Who knows?
Rating (out of a possible 10 wood grain wheels) 7.5

Dallas Mavericks

Last year: 51-31, lost to New Orleans in first round
Who’s in: Desagana Diop, Gerald Green, Rick Carlisle
Who’s out: Avery Johnson
If they were a TGIF show they would be Step By Step
Why to watch: To laugh at Jason Kidd for being old and slow, Dirk for being the opposite of a leader, Gaerald Green for everything and Josh Howard for having to play in Real America, which his blackness leads him to despise. Poor Jason Terry, though. I always thought since his days at Zona that he was destined for . . . something. I guess not. This team displeases me and I’m already sick of the word “Maverick.”
Rating (out of a possible 10 elitist bridges to nowhere that they destroyed with walnuts) 5

Memphis Grizzlies

Last year: 22-60
Who’s in: Marc Gasol, OJ Mayo, Darrell Arthur, Marco Jaric, Antoine Walker, Greg Buckner
Who’s out: Mike Miller, Jason Collins, Brian Cardinal
If they were a show on tGIF they would be You Wish
Why to watch: You know how everyone liked watching Memphis’ college team last year? Well this team is the same age as the Tigers were, and they draw like 1/4 as many people! Hakim Warrick, Mike Conley and Rudy Gay officially count as Exciting Young Players, and if Marc Iavaroni decides to let them run they could be fun to watch. Also, Adriana Lima.
Rating (out of a possible 10 John Calipari conspiracies)

Bonus: The JDS Pick for MVP

Lebron James

The best player in the NBA the last two seasons finally gets the first of many MVP trophies.  He’ll have enough talent to win the division, which will give the voters who need to “reward winning” no excuse to not give the young GOAT his due. Who did you think it would be?

Month of a Half Dozen Previews presents the Atlantic Division

With the start of the preseason, it’s almost time for real basketball to be played.  To assist you through this dark and confusing time, we’ve decided to preview the NBA division by division.  We continue with the ancestral home of The Trailer Park Boys, the Atlantic.

Boston Celtics

Last year: 66-16, NBA Champions
Who’s in: Bill Walker, JR Giddens, Patrick O’Bryant
Who’s out: James Posey
If they were a Lakefront Brewery product, they would be Riverwest Stein
Why to watch: Well, they are the defending champs. In addition to the whole “Do they still have the hunger” question, it will be interesting to see if the kids that came along down the stretch (Geln Davis, Leon Powe) can get better. KG, Paul “Best Player Alive” Pierce and Ray Allen are still there and can still put points on the board for now. Plus, the possibility of only one annoyingly douchetastic Boston championship this sporting year makes them much more tolerable (not really, though.)
Rating (out of a possible 10 self-congratulating Simmons podcasts) 8

Toronto Raptors

Last year: 41-41, lost to Orlando in first round
Who’s in: Jermaine O’Neal,
Who’s out: TJ Ford, Rasho Nesterovic, Maceo Baston
If they were a Lakefront Brewery product, they would be Cattail Ale
Why to watch: If Andrea Bargnani isn’t a huge flop this year, Bosh doesn’t have a Beijing hangover and JO stays healthy, this is the best front line in the NBA hands down. Hell, I’d say that if only two of those things happen. Throw in Jose Calderon running the point and Sam Mitchell has a potentially very good team on his hands. If the Raps are going to crack the elite of the Eastern Conference, this has to be the year to do it. The fact that they’re not an American team should help them fit right in with Eastern elites, who all live in The Fake America anyways.
Rating (out of a possible 10 cameos on Corner Gas featuring Canadians I have never heard of) 6.5

Philadelphia 76ers

Last year: 40-42, lost to Detroit in second round
Who’s in: Elton Brand, Mareese Speights, Theo Ratliff, Donyell Marshall
Who’s out: Rodney Carney, Calvin Booth
If they were a Lakefront Brewery product, they would be Eastside Dark
Why to watch: Because there’s a real buzz about this team for the first time since the AI/Larry Brown years. Elton Brand came over, Andre Igoudala resigned, and the steady hand of Mo Cheeks is on the wheel. Keep an eye on Andre Miller as well. When he came to PHilly from Denver in 2006 it was expected the rebuilding Sixers would move him to help get younger, either with more draft picks or young players. They’ve essentially rebuilt themselves now in this, the final year of Miller’s contract. If they decide to move him, young Lou Williams will be running the point. And of course, Thad Young. Damn he’s gonna be good.
Rating (out of a possible 10 Greenman appearances) 7

New Jersey Nets

Last year: 34-48
Who’s in: Brook Lopez, Bobby Simmons, Yi Jianlian, Keyon Dooling, Chris Douglas-Roberts, Ryan Anderson, Eduardo Najera, Jarvis Hayes
Who’s out: Richard Jefferson, Marcus Williams, Bostjan Nachbar, Desagana Diop, Nenad Kristic
If they were a Lakefront Brewery product, they would be Snake Chaser
Why to watch: To see The Yonce courtside? This team’s going to be not good. Vince Carter didn’t respond too well when Toronto decided to rebuild and get younger, I doubt he’ll do much better here. At least there’s the kids. Devin Harris is turning into a good young point guard, Yi showed potential during the first half of his rookie year in Milwaukee, and Lopez, Anderson and CDR make for a good draft class, if not the most aware. They’re just waiting for Lebron to become a free agent in 2010 so Mr S Dot Carter can woo him to the Nets by offering to kill witnesses if Bron’s beard is sticking out. Except we’re in a New Great Depression, so the $600 zillion arena in Brooklyn will probably never get built and the Nets will be stuck in the swamps of Jersey forever.
Rating (out of a possible 10 Zack and Miri Make a Porno advertisement complaints) 5

New York Knicks

Last year: 23-59
Who’s in: Chris Duhon, Danilo Gallinari, Patrick Ewing Jr, Mike D’antoni
Who’s out: Renaldo Balkman, Randolph Morris, Isiah Thomas
If they were a Lakefront Brewery product, they would be Holiday Spice
Why to watch: To see Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph play D’antoni-ball. If you’re actually a Knicks fan, there’s not much to see, although there is some. Jamal Crawford is still a potent scorer, and Duhon finally gets the chance to run the show Scott Skiles never gave him in Chicago. Nate Robinson and David Lee are both talented, too. But there’s still a lot of dead wood. In addition to Randolph and Curry, Stephon Marbury’s still here in what may be his final season in the NBA. Thomas’ former draft picks like Mardy Collins and Wilson Chandler haven’t shown much, either. The Knicks may be better off in the long term, but for now it’s going to get ugly.
Rating (out of a possible 10 Right things to be Done) 6

Bonus: The JDS Pick for Rookie of the Year

Michael Beasley

The most talented rookie in this class is also in the best position to have a great season, as there’s already a veteran scorer on his team to take pressure off of him and, unlike #1 overall pick Derrick Rose, he isn’t charged with the responsibility of leading his team’s offense.