Back from the dead to comment on a shit trade

Yeah, it’s been awhile, hope to not let months off bcome a habit.  BUT, there is HUGE news  to talk about.  Bustacular Memphis point guard Mike conley is on the move, maybe.

The Memphis Commercial Appeal is reporting that the Grizz have lost faith in the second year Conley and have agreed to trade him to the Bucks for Ramon Sessions and Joe Alexander.

Not a bad deal for Milwaukee, the move to draft Alexander seemed confusing form the moment they traded for Richard Jefferson.  In Conley they get a potential #1 point guard who may just need a change of scenery.  Not sure why Memphis needs Ramon Sessions if they’re happy with what Mike Conley is doing.  Alexander’s okay, and they do need front court help.  Only thing holding it up for now is the Bucks, who are maybe not as willing to do it now that it’s close to reality.

Mark Hasiuk’s a dick

Mark Hasuick (right) with a Newfie

Mark Hasiuk (right) with a Newfie

Remember the Vancouver Grizzlies?  They came into the league in 1995, played in a half-empty hockey arena for six years, sucked and moved to Memphis, where they still suck.  Well, it’s your loss NBA.  The people of Vancouver, or at least one columnist there, doesn’t want your blackieball anyway.  Vancouver Courier scribe Mark Hasiuk subtly calls the league “a ghetto gutter” the the good people of British Columbia (at least the ones who still have both feet) are better off without.

Last week, in an interview with ESPN’s Bill Simmons, NBA commissioner David Stern made the following admission: “I wish we hadn’t had the Vancouver experience,” he said. “Great city, and we disappointed them and we disappointed ourselves.”

When he says “wish we hadn’t had the Vancouver experience,” does Stern mean that he wishes the NBA wouldn’t have given up on the Grizzlies after only six years, or that he never tried to shoehorn a franchise into a city that doesn’t really care about basketball in the first place?  After all, St. Louis is a big market with an appetite for hoops that has been without a team for over 40 years now.  Could Stern have really meant that?

Stern, of course, was referring to the Vancouver Grizzlies basketball franchise, which floundered at GM Place for six seasons before limping off to Memphis in 2001. He regrets not investing more NBA dollars selling basketball to Vancouver sports fans, who are more familiar with slapshots and bodychecks than slamdunks and bounce passes.

Oh yes, advertising dollarydoos.  That is what he should have done.  Just a guess, but any city that needs to be educated on a sport doesn’t deserve a team in that sport’s highest league.  See Bettman, Gary, Dumbshit sunbelt experiment that destroyed the NHL.

Whatever. The Grizzlies sucked. They drafted terrible players, hired terrible coaches and compiled a dreadful 101-359 win/loss record in front of sparse crowds. No amount of advertising could disguise the team’s poor performance, which was a key factor in the Grizzlies exodus.

But something else soured local basketball fans, whether they knew or not.

The NBA is America at its worst.

When will David Stern close Gitmo?  THE PEOPLE DEMAND AN ANSWER!  *Hurls shoe at Secaucus, NJ.*

I mean of all the things that could possibly represent America at its worst (Elisabeth Hasselbeck, “Saved by zero,” MTV, the entire state of Oklahoma,) this guy chooses the NBA?  Maybe he has a really good and thoughtful answer that won’t make him sound like a condescending racist jizzrag?

The once proud league, which peaked 20 years ago during the Bird/Magic/Jordan era, has morphed into a reality TV show, where money and image trump teamwork and athletic achievement. Players like Allen Iverson–perhaps the greatest basketball talent of his generation–spend more energy producing sneaker commercials than winning basketball games. NBA players wear saggy shorts, roll in posses and cuss on camera. Television ratings have dropped steadily since 1996. Basketball icons such as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and the late Red Auerbach have denounced today’s players, calling them “thugs” and “bums.”

How’d this happen? Who’s to blame?

Because there’s a direct relationship between winning championships and doing commercials.  The reason Magic, Bird and Jordan were so successful is because they stayed away from endorsements with an intensity that bordered on monasticism.  If only Allen Iverson hadn’t shot that commercial with Jadakiss in 2001, he would have at least 7 rings.

Basketball traditionalists (older white guys) blame the overwhelming influence of hip hop culture in the NBA. But they’re wrong.

Streets is talking.  And when they talk, they talk to Mark Hasiuk.

Hip hop, a cultural movement spawned in 1970s New York, has been dead for years.

It sold its soul to corporate sleaze merchants, who repackage black music for a white suburban consumer base.

Thanks for the jewels, KRS (sidenote: why does every rapper who tries to make this point have an 80% white fanbase?) but what does this have to do with the NBA?

Nope, the remnants of hip hop–flamboyant chauvinism, jailhouse lingo, black ink tattoos–didn’t kill the NBA. It was New York lawyers like Stern, who cashed in on the athletic ability of young black men while ignoring the social realities of basketball in America.

The greedy Jew lawyers, yes.  I knew it was them.  Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them.

According to a New York Times report, more than 70 per cent of black American children are born out of wedlock.

Most of them to David Stern.

Most NBA players hail from poor neighbourhoods–and despite token college careers–graduate from broken public school systems. They are often ill-equipped to handle multi-million-dollar contracts, or the expectations of a community desperate for positive male role models.

And . . . .

To be fair, the NBA, like other professional sports leagues, is a business. And it’s not responsible for the endemic problems of black America. But considering basketball’s influence on black popular culture, the NBA has a responsibility to produce a “positive” product, not the ghetto garbage we see today.

So, the NBA has a responsibility to produce something “positive” for DA YOOF.  Okay, but what should they do?  You lamented players like Iverson who come from these broken situations, but then suggest that they’re a problem for the NBA.  So the league needs to do something for poor black kids without strong male role models, but these people are also destroying the NBA?  What exactly should they do, since “giving talented basketball players that come from broken homes well-paying jobs and financial security” seems to be a bad idea in your book?


Nothing in the upcoming paragraph is ironic.

the greed of Stern and his gang of crafty owners (ubiquitous Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban currently faces insider trading charges) may ultimately rescue the NBA from the gutter.

Mark Cuban was the best example you could find as an owner who is part of Stern’s crafty Jewgang?  The one owner who has done everything in his authority to piss off Stern?

In effort to boost sagging ticket sales and television revenue, the NBA enacted several decrees aimed at polishing its image. The league has issued a “business casual” dress code targeting jewelry, indoor sunglasses and other “thug culture” artifacts. It’s established an entry-level age limit of 19 years old, and players are issued “sensitivity” training if they step out of line.

The league enacts new rules to accomplish a goal that according to Hasiuk, have brought the league closer to accomplishing it.  How ironic indeed.  Corey Hart (sacre bleu, un Quebecois!) founded the thug culture of sunglasses.  Why did David Stern ever let the Toronto Huskies sign him, as a small forward, to a contract in 1948?  And have these brave new blatant PR moves done to make people like Mark Hasiuk less scared of the negros codes of honour and valour worked?

So that’s what we’re missing, now that the Grizzlies are gone.

Ummm . . . yes, they worked swimmingly, I guess.

This week, hype surrounding Trevor Linden’s jersey retirement reached embarrassing levels of idolatry.

Trevor Linden, for those not familiar with hockey, is a white athlete who’s not quite as scrappy as David Eckstein, but definitely scrappier than Ed McCaffrey.

Linden was a slightly above average player in a town devoid of hockey superstars. But as his jersey was hoisted to the rafters Wednesday night, I couldn’t help feel proud that someone like Linden–and his limited statistical success–garnered such public adoration from his adopted city.

So, city with one sports team has a higher opinion of ex-player for that team than the rest of the world?  How charming and completely unexpected.  Not sure what this has to do with what was his original point, that the NBA has been overrun by HALF BREED MUSLIN (© Wonkette) gangsterthugs, with the hippin and the hoppin and the bippin and the boppin.

Stern can keep his basketball franchise. His NBA cabal doesn’t belong around here.

Yes, that is what it has to do with it.  Don’t come back to Vancouver until there are more scrappy white guys in business casual dress without shoe deals.  This is what will save the NBA, forever.

Who’s next on the coaches chopping block?

So Reggie Theus was officially canned today, making six coaches who have lost their jobs before January, an NBA record (or at least it feels like it should be.)  Since this is a trend-heavy league, that can only mean more coach axings are on the way.  Here are the coaches JDS likes to be fired, maybe, before the year is over.

Jim O’Brien, Indiana Pacers
: 7-16
Why he might be fired: The team is awful and currently in the midst of a six game losing streak. While this isn’t surprising given the makeup of the Pacers’ roster, he’s been scapegoated for a mess that wasn’t at all his fault before (see his tenure with the Sixers.)
Why he might not: He did lead them to W’s over the Celtics and Lakers. After they traded Jermaine O’Neal, it was made clear the Pacers were in full rebuilding mode. It doesn’t make sense to fire a coach for not winning with a team that wasn’t built to win right now (though that didn’t stop Minnesota or Sacramento.) Also, now is the perfect time to build a little momentum, as Indiana doesn’t play a team with a winning record until December 28.
Odds of packing his knives and going: 3:1

Marc Iavaroni, Memphis Grizzlies
: 9-15
Why he might be fired: Because he was supposed to be canned after last year.  This team has no identity, and that lands on his shoulders.  They’ve got enough legs on their team to run, but then they stop to plod along in a half-court style.  Also, because this organization is a mess and should be contracted.
Why he might not: OJ Mayo and Marc Gasol are having solid rookie seasons, and the team is actually putting together a nice little win streak.  They’re winning above their dirt-poor expectations right now, so the front office should at least let Iavaroni lose a solid month worth of games before canning him.
Odds of packing his knives and going: 5.5:1

Don Nelson, Golden State Warriors
: 7-17
Why he might be fired: The bottom has officially fallen out.  Whatever momentum they had left over from their playoff run in 2007 is long gone.  This team is just one bad decision after another, and Chris Mullin and Robert Rowell are engaged in a power struggle in which no one wins, one side just loses more slowly.  Teams that have no direction on the court and two directions off it usually fire their coaches.  Also, their horrible, horrible play.
Why he might not: He just got a contract extension (though that probably doesn’t mean anything.) It’s not like he’s the one who signed Maggette to that wretched deal.  Rowell seems to like him more than Mullin, and he’s probably going to end up running the team after this season.  Plus, injuries.
Odds of packing his knives and going: 6:1

Larry Brown, Charlotte Bobcats
: 7-17
Why he might be fired: Picture it.  MJ wakes up, wipes the Velveeta crumbs out of his eyes and picks up the paper (because what does he care about the internetz.)  He notices this team that he kinda runs is up shit creek and he decides to take action.  He cancels his tee time, puts down the cigar and goes to work.  He looks at his roster, realizes Larry Brown is completely out of place with this team and starts carefully dismantling the whole thing, starting with The Bronze himself, UNC ties be damned.
Why he might not: Ha, just kidding.  That will never happen.
Odds of packing his knives and going: 15:1 (fired,) 2:1 (quits)

The final thread of Christmas sweater

Was it really so long ago?

Was it really so long ago?

Well, Wittman’s out.  McHale’s officially playing things out on the bench until Fred Hoiberg or Jim Stack can take over.  It’s been a long, strange 14 years, and now it’s almost over.  I’ll have a more proper tribute to the McHale Era of Wonderment when it finally closes, but for now I’ll just say this to the fruit salad that is the Timberwolves front office.

Get fucked.  All of you.  Please.

Farewell, Easy Jesus

Well, Eddie Jordan joins PJ Carlesimo on the bread line today, because his team is horrible without Gilbert Arenas.  This is, of coure, different from last season’s conventional wisdom that Gil was holding the Wizards back and they were just fine without him, because they were.  Whatever, this was a mediocre team that the front office decided was worth spending a ton of money to keep together.  They haven’t made a significant move to improve the team in a while, and now a guy who was coaching the East All Stars in 2007 (remember that?) lost his job.

Up next on the chopping block . . . Randy Wittman (*holds out hope.*)

Golden State gets Crawful

ESPN is reporting the Knicks and Warriors have agreed to swap Al Harrington and Jamal Crawford, and that it could be finalized by the end of the day today.  This might be the biggest trade of perennially underachieving disappointments since Tim Thomas was traded for Keith Van Horn (the second time.)

On the court, the Knicks address their need for an athletic true center, while the Warriors get someone to play “point guard,” if that’s what they’re calling Crawford these days, so their whole backcourt doesn’t rest on the shoulders of Anthony Morrow.  Harrington requested a trade right before the season started and hasn’t been given any playing time in recent games.  The contracts are pretty close, though Harrington’s expires a year before Crawford’s (in time for the Vaunted 2010 Free Agent Class.)

Bottom line, this puts the Knicks closer to making a move in 2010 (which will blow up in their faces down the road) and makes the Warriors not much more interesting.

UPDATE: The Knicks aren’t done, sending Zach Randolph and Mardy Collins to the Clippers for Cuttino Mobley and Tim Thomas.  With Thomas coming back to NY and Mobley just missing out on a long-awaited embrace with Steve Francis by a few years, that puts the Knicks about $16 million closer to being ready for the 2010.  As for the Clips, they will apparently do anything you ask them to, because why not?

The Secret to Mark Cuban’s Success

Pictured: Cuban dumped for this lady

It was insider trading, not his TV shows or interblogs.  Apparently he dumped a bunch of shares of, which is a site where people can buy and sell mothers, and he did so with super insidery knowledge that they were raising money in a private offering.

More on this when someone can explain what any of this means in terms (pictures) the average blogger can understand.

UPDATE: Deadspin has a nice recap.  Read it here.